Wow! Worship service yesterday was pretty amazing. Not that the band was amazing, per se... it's not about that, thank God, so that lessens the pressure to put on a perfect performance that I felt in my "musician" years playing flute. It's all about God and something happens when we just ask that He come and fill a room with a moving and joyous song... that He use our bodies, our instruments, our voices and we let God flow through and out of us. The energy was incredible. I'm seeing the power that worship has to move people... to transform them... to inspire them. What is it about music that can tap into someplace deep inside of us and stir up things we never even knew were there?
Something really amazing is happening to me. I never really thought that I had a spectacular voice... I always called myself a "musician that can sing"... not a "vocalist", so when I hear people say that I've been "anointed" or have some "gift" for singing (man there's a lot of quotes in this paragraph... hehe), I KNOW that that's really all just God working within people... allowing us to share in some human experience and connection. To lead my friends in worship is not a gift that I am giving them... it is a gift that God is giving me. Yes, I'm sure that some people really do have impactful things happen to them in the midst of a worship service and I'm proud of be a part of a team that can help build the framework and guide people through it... but in a way, I really think that God is using this experience to do something within ME... to teach me something... to draw me nearer to Him.
If you read Philippeans 4, you will see that worship - that rejoicing - gives us a heart of peace. Through worship, we are able to put ourselves in a mindset (and a heartset... I think I just made up that word) where we can give our worries over to God and become a person with grace and light inside of them. This new experience is teaching me so much about the heart of worship. I'm beginning to understand that worship is more than just singing a song. Worship is more than a performance on Sunday morning. The root of worship is in an intimate relationship with God - one that is raw, and honest. Worship is unrelenting. It is this force that is driving... constantly pushing and driving forward... as if we are chasing after God. And it's not just singing praises. It's not always being in a happy place where you say "wow, my life is so amazing" and "isn't God so good" just because I'm at a place in my life where I feel like I have the things I want. No... I mean seriously... how often is it that we are totally content,,, that everything is just hunky dory... and we have all the stupid crap we want and think we need to be satisfied with our lives? Those moments are rare and fleeting. But worship is coming to God even in all the other moments. Worship is being scared and coming to God saying, "I'm terrified... I don't know what to do or how this will all turn out. I'm not happy with this situation, but You are good and I'm going to try to trust you in this... even if I need a little help in doing that." Worship is showing God your true heart... being completely honest with both God and yourself. Worship is relating to God in everything we do. I think that we always have a relationship with God. As human beings, every moment, every action in our lives is demonstrating or affecting that relationship in some way. I think this holds true even for "non-believers". The thing is... not everyone acknowledges or feels that relationship all the time (or any of the time in the case of some people). Worship is actively participating in that relationship. It is being aware of it. It is the acknowledgement that everything we do, everything that happens, involves God.... involves our relationship with God. So forgive me when I use the term "worship" to mean only praising God and rejoicing in Him. It is so much more than that.
Despite all that I just said about worship... I think that when you begin to make your life an act of worship, you DO find more joy. I said that worship is about relationship. Well... when we have a relationship with someone, it's harder to come down on them or act out in anger towards them. Relationship leads to understanding, love, empathy. Through worship, we discover the heart of God, and since the heart of God is good it is natural that living a life of worship would lead to living a life that contains more moments of rejoicing. And, like I said before... rejoicing leads to peace. So even when you're starting off in a place (or coming back to that place) where you are hurt or angry - that place where you are lamenting... or even raging at God - in the end it can lead to Joy and Peace. The more I have an honest relationship with God... the more I include God in the conversation... the more I can't help but state with confidence "God is good... and I can trust in that... I can stand on that as my foundation".
(Keep in mind that I used the word "more" NOT "always". Don't think that I still don't have moments where I am stressed out, mean, grumpy... or whatever. Just today I found myself lashing out in anger (showing the uglier side of me) at someone who hurt my feelings. Hey, I'm a work in progress... not to mention completely human.)
So the moral of the story, kids... exploring what it is to worship and trying to have more of it in my life, has lead me to know and understand more fully the heart of God. I'll give you a hint if you're still searching... it is GOOD.
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