Ndola
22 August 2013
23:00
There is a loneliness that I cannot escape. My heart has made its home in a land where I can never fully belong. I am not a Zambian, no matter how much I love this country, and as an outsider, I will always struggle to feel fully understood. On the other hand, there are so few from my home country that can really understand the unearthly connection that I have to Zambia and its people.
I had a thought as I was walking under the glow of the moon, listening to night sounds. So often, we are afraid of the unknown. For many, there are plenty of scary things to encounter in Zambia - spiders, malaria-infected mosquitoes, unlit paths with the threat of hidden dangers and creepy-crawlies. In that moment I realized that the reason I have no fear here is that it is all so strangely familiar. It's as though, in some ancient time and place, this was all written on my heart - some residual and indelible memory in my spirit.
I had myself a good cry last night. This trip is only half over, but I am faced with the reality of having to get on a plane in a week and a half, and I honestly don't know how I will bear it. The thought alone makes me weep and my heart is as though it is splitting in two.
I don't know what the future looks like exactly, but I do know that I cannot imagine being anywhere else. I am trusting God to make a way. Over the last couple weeks it's been as though I am seeing shadows or ghosts of what God has more me. So far, these visions are hazy and unformed, only hinting at the real things they represent.
I am learning to leave the details of the future to God. All I can do is what is right in front of me at the moment and try my best to hear God's voice and be obedient.
At our medical brigade in a very poor area of Ndola. I was praying over a sick boy who was having problems with his ears (likely an upper respiratory infection turned ear-infection). As I was praying for his ears to be healed and opened up, I felt the nudging of the Spirit and knew that God intended this boy to be a prophet - one who hears His voice. So I prayed for his ears to be opened up and tuned to the voice of God... that he would be like Daniel and receive visions from God and speak into the lives of people around him. This boy was only six years old, but God has a plan for him that is so much bigger than the world could guess by his circumstances.
Then, later that day, I was praying for a woman waiting to be seen by the nurse and I kept hearing "business woman", "prosper", and "venture" and I felt that instead I was supposed to be praying for her in this area of her life. When I asked her, through a translator, whether she had a business, she said that while she is home with her children she has been dreaming of starting her own business and hasn't known how she will ever get the bit of funds to get started. She has had a dream on her heart that has seemed impossible to her. So we prayed together in that moment that God will open the door and give the provision she needs to start her business and also give her the wisdom to be successful and, in that prosperity, provide for her family.
Today, at our medical brigade in Kitwe, I came across a woman named Judy who we met at the Kitwe pastors' fellowship the day before. After the meeting, she gathered us together to take a picture of our group so that she could have it and pray over us each day. She had just met us and her first thought was "I must pray for these people!". And here I thought we had come to encourage them! Today, when she saw me in the parking lot, she greeted me like we were old friends and we walked hand in hand towards the triage station where she could first meet with a nurse. This was a woman who was, in reality, around my own mother's age, but seemed to have aged an additional twenty years in her lifetime. Her parents and all five of her brothers have passed and she lives by herself in Kitwe, apparently with no husband or children of her own. And yet, she is a mother of many - the leader of a Boys' Brigade unit (I guess similar to Boy Scouts) and I think even a Sunday school teacher. She told me that God has allowed her to still be living because He has more work for her to do. She is a woman with the ultimate servant's heart, putting herself last after all the others she lifts up. So I gathered our team and we prayed for her blood pressure to be lowered, her sugar to normalize, and for the pain in her legs to subside. Of course God wants her to be well, but I think, more than anything, God wanted her to know that He has not sent her into the battle alone. She does so much for the Kingdom and He will keep bringing folks alongside her... He never intended for her to be alone.
God spoke that same thing to me this morning. He has not sent me here to Zambia alone, but instead sent me with this team, including two other women I can lean on. And, He promised me that He will never send me into the mission field alone. So, even though I may feel lonely at times, I can rest in His promise that He does not intend for me to be alone. Just as I will trust in Him to provide for all my needs, I will trust in Him to provide a partner for whatever adventure and ministry He calls me to next... for even the disciples were sent out in pairs.
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