Getting Uncomfortable

En route to Paris

In his book, Mark Batterson calls following the Holy Spirit the Wild Goose chase.  Following the Holy Spirit is an adventure and there are certainly no guarantees of comfort.  Of course, it didn't take long before seeting off for Zambia that I was pushed outside my comfort zone.

Of course, for an overweight person traveling can bring up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings and situations.  Nothing like renting a small piece of real estate for your butt to make one become overwhelmingly aware of the amount of space said butt occupies.  The stares, comments whispered under breath to companions, and worse, the guilt for taking up more space than you "deserve", evoke physical symptoms of discomfort and anxiety - the tightening chest, pounding heartbeat, flushed cheeks, and uncomfortable rise in temperature).  Add to that the juggling, lugging, and hefting of luggage, boarding pass, and outerwear... well let's just say that the struggle only brings more attention and in those moments I just want to disappear.

Now multiply that by what I am going to call the "French Quotient" (sorry if that offends any French people... the following is a sweeping generalization and probably unfair).  Starting my journey on an Air France flight to Paris, I experience that hard disapproval at a level that is really only achievable by a middle-aged Frenchman.

Having navigated the social discomfort and self-consciouness, I reach my seat (and because God loves me and performs miracles regularly, there are TWO empty seats between myself and the aforementioned Frenchman) and begin to dig through my bag for my phone to make a quick last-minute call and send final emails for work... and dig... and dig... and dig.  No phone.  I feel stranded - like I've lost my lifeline.  I had things to look up!  Final details need to be wrapped up!  What on earth am I going to do without a smartphone (AKA my security blanket) for three whole weeks!?!  No Facebook... no Skype... no access to all knowledge and information through the wonder of the internet in my hand... no access to my countless lists stored on GDocs... gasp!  All those last things I needed to do may not get done and I have to face the discomfort of the loss of the sense of power and control that my smartphone gives me.

I also realize that I forgot to fill my business card holder.  What will I do without this tiny card that affirms who I am by what I do?  Not only must I trust God to provide the things I need, allow things to potentially be imperfect, but now I have nothing to offer people but ME.  Just Kimberly.  Not a job title or affiliation, but a smile and maybe a kind word.

So here I am, unable to depend on all my planning, and forced instead to trust God.  I have nothing left to do but sit at His feet and let Him speak to me in this rare moment of quiet and inactivity.  Perhaps it's just that I get absent-minded as I fly through life like a whirlwind... but I can't help but wonder if this was all part of God's plan.  I can't help but think of the story of Mary and Martha and be a little grateful that I am offered an opportunity to experience what Jesus referred to as "something better".

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman names Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work all by myself?  Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one .  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." - Luke 11:38-42