Disciple

I woke up this morning thinking about what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.  I learned early on in my Sunday school days that Jesus had 12 disciples - 12 guys that were pretty much his entourage.  For a long time I kept this idea of a disciple pretty much separate from the concept of a modern Christian.  As I've gotten older, I'm starting to realizing that being a Christian means to be a disciple of Jesus.  He didn't just have those 12 guys following him around two thousand years ago, but right here, right now there are literally BILLIONS of people worldwide that call themselves Christians - followers of Christ.  So now that I think about it, to be a Christian - to follow Jesus -  is to be a modern-day disciple.

I kinda feel a little bit like the guy that walked up to Jesus after he gave that famous bit about the "greatest commandment".  After hearing Jesus answer the Pharisees that the greatest commandments are to love God and love one another, this guy goes up to Jesus and basically tells him that he just blew his mind.  He realized that there were huge implications to this simple statement.  To follow these two commandments would mean to completely transform his life.  I feel kinda the same way about this whole disciple thing.  Once I realized that being a Christian means that I am a disciple - my mind pretty much exploded and has been spinning ever since.  In order to call myself a Christian and have it be more than just lip-service, I have to follow Jesus in the same way that those 12 guys did.  Being a disciple means living my life as though Jesus were physically here with me (I realize this would kinda negate that very important act of sacrifice that is the basis of salvation, but go with me on this).  How would I live differently if Jesus were standing here with me - walking next to me, talking to me, teaching me, sharing meals with me, praying with me?

I know that Jesus is with me all the time, but somehow it's still easy for me to be a little bit lazy as a disciple when I can't see a physical person that is Jesus.  If Jesus was here with me, I have a feeling I would be pretty embarrassed if I chose to sleep in or spend the day in my PJs watching Hulu.  I would probably get up early and make time for prayer, have a cup of coffee over deep discussions about God, and then get to all of the important work that needs to be done in this world.  Who would choose to stay in bed if Jesus was sitting in their living room waiting to them to come and join him in changing the world????  And, yet I choose this more than I can admit without feeling pretty rotten.  When I think about how the life of a disciple is described in the Bible, I am pretty blown away.  I can't say that I've ever asked Jesus to let me walk to him... ON WATER!  But, Peter did.  Despite the fact that I know in my mind that I am washed clean from my past and am a transformed person, I still live in the past at times... defining myself by who I was and not who God sees that I am... holding onto past shame, hurt, and grudges.  Saul was a murderer... he made martyrs out of Christians, but once he allowed God to transform his life (and his name), Paul became a foundational leader of the early Church and in reading his letters it doesn't seem like he ever looked back.  He didn't let his past determine his future... he pushed forward to work tirelessly for the Kingdom and was a great encourager to all of those new Christians.  A group of fishermen left their nets, their livelihood, everything they knew without hesitation to follow this strange guy that was called Jesus and believed him when he said he could make them "fishers of men" (although I wonder if they went ahead and followed him, thinking in their heads "I'm going to go with this guy.... but what the heck does that mean anyway?").  A sick woman had the audacity to believe that if she only touched Jesus' clothes she could be healed.

That's the word that comes to mind when I think about the people that followed Jesus while he was alive on this earth... AUDACITY.  Jesus transformed people in his presence.  He changed them at their core and suddenly they had the audacity to do and believe impossible things.  So how would that look if we were to do the same?  What would I be willing to do if Jesus was chilling on my couch that I'm not doing now? (I can bet that we wouldn't just be sitting around on the couch for very long).  I can imagine that I would live a life with more discipline, more dedication to making each moment awesome, a greater commitment to working HARD to fulfill my God-given purpose.  I might be less quick to brush something off as "ridiculous", "ill-logical", or "impossible" if I was living my life in a supernatural way... looking at things from "heaven's perspective".  If I was spending every day traveling all over with this Jesus guy, I bet I would talk to him A LOT more than I do now.  I KNOW I would listen to him more.

So my challenge to myself is to try to make my life align more closely to the disciples in the Bible.  I want to be a DISCIPLE and not just a "Christian".  I want to be willing to give up what is comfortable or familiar to have the honor of living with Jesus (not just worshiping him).  I want to know him and for him to know me in a way that reflects the intimacy of people who spend their day-to-day lives together.  I think about how well my old roommate and best friend knows me because we lived together - we shared everything - no one knows my heart or my habits in the way that she does.  It's hard to hide from someone you come home to.  They see you in your weakest and most vulnerable moments and vice-versa.  I want to live with audacity.  I want to believe in crazy, impossible things, and have the faith to ACT upon the notion that the impossible is possible.  I want to live with discipline - that there be nothing that I would be embarrassed for Jesus to witness (like spending hours on Facebook instead of doing the work he calls me to do).  I want to treat people (and think about them) in a way that reflects the heart of Jesus (and not my own bitterness, jealousy, hurt, or anger).  And mostly, I want to lean on him for guidance... to follow his example.  So, feel free to ask me how this is going.  My goal is to try to wake up each morning and imagine what my day would look like if I was really being a disciple... and then get up and do it!